All posts tagged musings

Day Seven: Letter to Atlantic City

Published Tuesday, December 6, 2011 by Chasing Neptune

My dearest Atlantic City,

You may have heard a rumor that my best friend and I aspire to live in your precious state of New Jersey. While I’m sure this warms your heart, please know, you will never see us. We made a vow – never will we cross your city boundaries, never will we settle into one of your plush, velvet  padded chairs and risk our meager earnings. Oh, no.

You see, my dear city, we played on Day Seven. By played, I mean indulged our every vice of greed and gluttony and lust for victory. We stood at the door of the Haunted Hotel and knocked hundreds of times, spilling our points like droplets from a watering can and whipping out expletives like umbrellas every time a shower of failure washed over us. And what do we have to show for it? 5,012 tickets, which equates to:

Two magic eightballs, two pin art boards, two giant erasers, a dozen glow sticks (don’t tell our husbands), a stuffed pig, a Ring Pop, a roll of Smarties, and 37 foaming-at-the-mouth-with-jealousy children.

If real money would have been at stake, we would have lost everything — I doubt your houses of greed offer consolation prizes when your customers get a spider bite.

But we can’t resist when it’s all in fun: the casual sighting of the machine’s purple neon lights, the innocent walk around the whole establishment, as if the other games truly stand a chance with us, the promise of the first card swipe, and the rush of the first button press — my palm is still tingling. We prayed to dead rock stars, casino gods, and each other — all for 100 tickets. Imagine what we would do for $100!

So you see, Atlantic City, we can never meet. I can never sit at your feet and bet whether your pupils will be cherries or sevens or aces. You can never hold me in your velvet embrace and whisper false promises in my ear. We must be distant lovers, you and I, each fulfilled only by the possibility of what the other could be.


The one you will never claim

P.S. See you summer of 2017.

Day Five: The Pentagram

Published Friday, December 2, 2011 by Chasing Neptune

It only seems appropriate that on Day Five of my mystic quest towards self-fulfillment (or whatever this is), I look into the Number 5. I have dabbled in Numerology briefly, and I know enough to say that my Life Course number is 8, and we’re a pretty good fit.

To calculate your life course number, take the numeral version of your birthday and add until you get a single digit. For example, if your birthday is April 9, 1977, you will add 4+9+1+9+7+7= 39 (not a single digit). 3+9=12 (still double). 1+2=3. So your life course number is 3.

An example of one numerology site is here: 

However, despite my marriage with 8, the number 5 keeps occurring in my life. Sometimes it serves as an omen of something either good or bad to come, but mostly, it just…happens without predicting much at all. Now, hey, I know I’m being stalked by a number, but don’t assume I’m crazy just yet. In my desk, I have a recorded list of occurrences from the past year, but unfortunately, I do not have it on hand at the moment. However, let me tell you a bit about my drive home today.

As I was driving down the highway on my way home, I became stuck in one of the infamous “douche parades.” You know what I mean, when there is that one idiot (Captain Douche), who is going a little too slow, thus creating a line of cars (douche parade) behind him. Today, as I was roughly 5 miles into my commute (Trust me, I drive this route twice or more a week, I know the mileage.), I became the 5th car in a douche parade, where Captain Douche was driving 55mph, which is 5mph under the speed limit. For my entire ride in the douche parade, my CD was on track #5 of a CD whose lead singer went on to become the chronological 5th member to join my favorite band.

Sure, that very last part about the band member might be a bit of a stretch (although it is factually correct). However, if you disregard this last occurrence of number 5, you are left with 5 instances of the number 5 in my life within the same moment. Coincidence? Depends on how spiritual you are.

Long story short(er), with this burst of number 5 in my life today, and it being my 5th day of this little mission, I thought it only appropriate to do a little inspirational research on the meanings and uses behind my favorite number. Here is what I found on the spiritual meaning:

Spiritual Meaning of Number Five

Five: The spiritual meaning of number Five deals with travel, adventure, and motion. With the highs that come with these attributes, Fives also carry instability, unpredictability, and radical changes. The spiritual meaning of Five draws our attention to the wonder of life and beckons us to appreciate the perception of chaos all around us. Five has wild vibrations: primitive and erratic. When Five continues to pop up in your life, be prepared for some action, like a trip. Remember, trips aren’t all necessarily taken physically. Some of the best journeys are taken in the mind and spirit.


In addition to the spiritual meaning of number 5, I also found a site that lists the occurrences of number 5 throughout mythology, science, history, and the natural world. Of course, the majority of these had no special meaning to me, but here are a few that I found interesting:

  • James Monroe was the 5th president of the United States, and 5 states were admitted into the union during his time in office. This is only relevant, because I mentioned to my roommate today that I love the last name Monroe.
  • The Hamsa Hand (with 5 digits, obviously) protects against the evil eye, whose blue I reference in How to Love the Ocean.
  • David had 5 pebbles when he slayed Goliath. I’m not religious, but the only work of art that has ever moved me to physical aching is the statue of David by Michelangelo in Florence.
  • My favorite serial killer (Yes, I realize the morbid nature of that statement.), Jack the Ripper, took 5 victims.

Clearly, all of these facts are simply interesting tidbits that anyone with an ounce of brainpower could link to his life with 5 seconds of thought. All that I have proven thus far is that I am freakishly superstitious and fantastic at justifying my insanity. I admit to these shortcomings and simply say that, whether it is just because I look for it or it has a special meaning or I’m crazy, the number 5 tends to show up from time to time.

That being said, I will leave you with this: of all of the uses of number 5, the Pentagram is probably the most feared and the most frequently misunderstood. When I decided to get my first tattoo, I chose a symbol and inscription with special meaning to me, and this symbol happened to contain the Pentagram. While I have not received any comments on this yet, I expect that some people may view my tattoo as Pagan or Satanic or just plain evil. However, to those people, I would say: Have some respect for my dear number 5 and keep the facts below in mind.

Throughout time the pentagram has been used by many as a magical and sacred symbol. If you cut an apple in two across the “equator,” you will find that the seeds in each half form a pentagram. When Eve gave Adam the apple of knowledge, the pentagram became a symbol of wisdom and the power to make choices. It also symbolizes the figure of a human with outstretched arms and legs.

The Pythagoreans believed the pentagram to symbolize health and light. It was also the symbol of the Greek goddess of health, Hygeia. The pentagram represented higher knowledge. The Pythagoreans could also use it as a secret sign to recognize each other.

The Five points symbolize spirit, air, fire, water, and earth.

Sir Gawain, a knight of King Arthur’s Round Table, had a pentagram on his shield. He was said to be “faithful five ways and five times each.”

Turned around with two points up the pentagram symbolizes the devil. Satanists use the pentagram with two points up as their symbol. They use the inverted pentagram with two circles around it and a the head of a goat inside it. (Obviously, this is quite different from the five-pointed star [aka Pentagram] with which we marked right answers on worksheets as elementary school kids.)

Last, the Pentagram symbolizes, for Christians, the five wounds of Christ. Many Christians also see the pentagram as a symbol of Christ, as “Alpha and Omega”. It symbolizes the star of Bethlehem. This is a symbol of guidance. It is important that the star has one point upwards.


There you have it: everything you ever wanted to know (and more) about my number 5. So tell me, readers: what’s your number?

Day Four: 10 Quotes by which to Live Your Life

Published Friday, December 2, 2011 by Chasing Neptune

These are in no particular order. For those of you who know me personally, I beg your understanding, but you cannot expect me to make a list of inspiring quotes and not have half of them be from Gerard Way. As for the rest of you, all of these are little mantras that I tell myself – the glitter dust clinging to the black skinny jeans. I hope that you find at least of them to be inspirational to you, as well.

  1. “Just go with your gut instinct, because your gut is smarter than your heart.” – Gerard Way
  2. “Only the gentle are ever really strong.” – James Dean
  3. “No matter how ugly the world gets or how stupid it shows me it is, I always have faith.” – Gerard Way
  4. “Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
  5. “Never forget how beautiful you are.” – Gerard Way
  6. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
  7. “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” – Gerard Way
  8. “Find ectasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” – Emily Dickinson
  9. “Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.” – Gerard Way
  10. “A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities.” – J.R.R. Tokien
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