rant

All posts in the rant category

The Next Step

Published Tuesday, May 21, 2013 by Chasing Neptune

If all goes according to plan, one year from now, I will be a college graduate. Don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into some nostalgic rant or preach about the importance of starting a new adventure. I am going to ponder what the hell I’m doing with my life, but hey, at least I won’t whine or stick my nose up.

I’ve decided to go to graduate school. It just seems like the next logical step. Even though I bitch incessantly about the stress of university, I do love it. I’m good at school. I know how to work the system, and it is a huge part of my identity. I’m not ready to give it up just yet.

So, I’ve decided to get my Master’s Degree in Writing, Editing, and Publishing. I like to write. I enjoy editing (probably because red is my favorite color, and I love feeling superior to others). And I think the publishing industry is my best chance for making a butt-load of money with an English degree. I may also be able to be a professor. I’m leaving my options open. In other words, I’ve made a decision that allows me to procrastinate making the real decision.

I think I’m just at the point in my life where the decisions are becoming irreversible. At this point, I can’t change my Bachelor’s Degrees. Luckily, I’m pleased with them. Once I get accepted into a graduate school, that decides my Master’s and, ultimately, my career.

I think I’m just a little worried that I’ll fail. I feel like I’ve been given a bow and arrow, and I have to shoot a target while blindfolded. I know the general area of the target, I’ve seen other people shoot an arrow, but I have no idea how to pull this off myself.

What if I decide I don’t want to sit around and help other writers reach their dreams? What if I try my hand at writing and realize I’m horrid or don’t love it?

I could always be a housewife. Better learn how to cook…

The Problem with Society

Published Saturday, June 30, 2012 by Chasing Neptune

They built their home up,

one speck at a time – wax, salt,

dirt.

She built herself up,

one word at a time – witty, creative,

beautiful.

They worked every day: diggers tunneling,

scavengers hunting, the queen

breeding.

She worked every day: reading Jane Austen,

painting mason jars, framing ocean

eyes.

He crushed them in one motion,

foot flattening the hill, big toe

twisting into the dirt – nothing left

but the stamp of a sole.

He crushed her in one motion,

analytical eyes scanning her figure, slick

tongue dripping his poison – nothing left

but the stamp of a soul.

Friends high-fived him, pulled out

magnifying glasses to burn

off the homeless survivors.

Friends high-fived him, flicked

cigarette buds at her to burn

off the last of her courage.

How can we love each other,

when we are taught

to crush anthills?

Pet Peeves

Published Friday, June 29, 2012 by Chasing Neptune

Screeching styrofoam – dry icebergs

grinding against each other, dandruff

flakes falling on the floor.

Illiterate idiots – pushing shopping carts

out of Walmart entrances,

into the exits.

Seatbelt alarms – blaring from Ford Focuses

and binging from Toyota Yarises, the second

the car is in drive.

180-degree conversationalists – I just started a new acne

medication/I have this one huge pimple, Frank’s car

broke down/My car is a piece of crap, Bob just lost

his job/I wish I could quit mine.

White lies – membership dues and rent

are all you have to pay, you could totally pass

for twenty-one, you did all you could

to save him, you have no place

in my future, I miss

you.

*Still quite rough, but I like this topic. It’ll be fun to polish off when I’m not exhausted.

Week Eight: The Anti-Misanthrope

Published Tuesday, May 8, 2012 by Chasing Neptune

…or something like that.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — I hate people. I do. I really do. It’s a combination of things: the general stupidity of my generation, my own superiority complex, my exhalted vision of human perfection. Don’t take it personally. It’s rarely ever personal. I’m just one of those people who cannot tolerate ignorance, hyperactivity, and fake niceties. And the more I study Sociology, the worse it gets. But anyway, that’s not the point.

The point is that this week’s challenge was to attempt to be social once a day.

It’s not a difficult task. It’s not like I’m socially-inept or something. I just like my tiny group of awesome friends and my creative inner-dialogue (yes, dialogue – I am a writer, after all).

Monday – The energy in my sorority* was pretty fantastic. We were selecting our rooms for the next semester, and everyone was bright and bubbly with the golden promise of change. I enjoyed being in the middle of this extravaganza and re-connecting with some of the women I had not talked to all semester. Therefore, I would say that this day was fun and made me want to put myself out there more often.

Tuesday – I escaped with one of my roommates to her hometown and then up into the city for a little bit. I probably owe her my sanity, as she swooped in and carried me off right when my world was collapsing around me. So today was another good day.

Wednesday – I didn’t really go out of my way to do anything exceptional. I ate lunch with people rather than eat at my computer and do homework. Meh.

Thursday – I failed. I mean, I commented on a blog. The internet is a social place, right? Codex would side with me, so that’s got to count for something, right?

Friday – I kinda failed. Like Wednesday, I ate lunch with people and then read on the porch. I enjoyed sitting in the sun and watching everyone walk in and out of the house.

Saturday – Okay, Saturday makes up for every other failure. I attended Kansas City’s Rock N Fashion Show, which featured local bands, as well as fashion designers and labels. If I rambled on for 100 pages, I don’t think I could precisely describe the feeling of going to a laid back concert. Just standing there in the front of the crowd — feeling the soundwaves vibrate in my chest, hearing the guitars wash through me, studying the walk of the models and the ensembles they displayed — was phenomenal. It felt incredible to be back in my element. Hopefully next year, Skeleton Moon will be a part of the line-up, and I’ll get to strut up there on that catwalk, myself.

On a side note, Kansas City is really coming into her own. Seriously, that technology Dorothy brought back from Oz has really boosted our culture. No, but seriously, you people are missing out.

Sunday – My dad’s side of the family celebrated Mother’s Day, and I spent a little extra time with my great-grandparents and grandparents. Sometimes I forget how much I just love to sit down and talk with all of them.

Okay, so the results of this thrown-together, poorly-typed challenge. To be entirely honest, I’m not sure if I really learned all that much. I think that sometimes I’m too judgmental and hard on people and that I should remember to make more of an effort to be around others. At the same time, I reminded myself just how much I love to exist in my own bubble. So it’s kind of a wash. I’ll continue to conditionally hate people, as well as conditionally like them.

Maybe meditating on this will bring some more enlightenment. Stay tuned.

*I know what you’re thinking. What the hell is a misanthrope doing in a sorority? It’s a long story, ladies and gentlemen.

Week Seven: No Complaints

Published Monday, April 30, 2012 by Chasing Neptune

You know those people who always have something to bitch about? My foot hurts, my head hurts, my job is so hard, my classes suck, why doesn’t anyone listen to me? I’ll tell you why: it’s because you’re fucking annoying.

As you may or may not have  deduced by now, those people irritate me. In the last few months, I have found myself with more to whine about than normal, and I began to wonder, am I turning into one of those pitiful, self-obsessed, attention whores?* Therefore, in order to avoid any further decline in my self-respect, I decided to challenge myself: no complaining for one week.

Rules: No whining, bitching, bad-mouthing, disgruntled sighing, etc. Stating a fact (I have a lot of homework) is acceptable, but whining about it (Oh my God, I have so much homework to do, and I just want to watch YouTube videos!) is unacceptable.

Throughout the week, I kept a record of the things about which I wanted to complain and whether or not I was successful. Complaints can be categorized as follows:

Side Effects of New Skin Medication

  • Sore back
  • Head ache
  • Dry skin
  • Dry, chapped lips
  • Dry, itchy scalp
  • Skin worsening before improving

College

  • 10-page Sociology paper
  • 10-page European Literature paper
  • 5-page British Literature paper
  • Mixed-feelings about future as a writer
  • My own procrastination and resulting workload
  • Lack of freedom and inspiration in classes

Other People

  • Obnoxious American Idol contestant
  • Colleagues slacking on their responsibilities
  • Those I live with disrespecting the tv reserve system
  • People who can’t drive (2x)
  • Loud people — everywhere
  • People who don’t clean public toilets after they puke in them

Results: I had to catch myself twice (anyone who has driven in Johnson County will surely grant me a pass on this one), and by Sunday, my itchy skin was so intolerable that I did bitch a bit. However, overall, I think that I did a relatively decent job of being a martyr for my first-world problems.

Lesson: I realized that I am most likely to complain around those who I love and trust, like my best friends and close family. I’ve also found that there is a sort of quiet dignity in being one of the few people who does not whine about every little problem. It takes an absence from complaint to truly see just how much breath we waste on whining in our society. And I mean waste. None of my “problems” were anything worth complaining about — and 99.5% of the issues I hear those around me bitching about aren’t real problems either.

So here is a lesson for the few that read this: stop whining. At least, for a day. Whenever you think your world is crashing down around you, take a few moments to reflect on the positive aspects of your life.

And most importantly, before you inflict your incessant complaining on those around you, consider how your whining impacts their perceptions of you. Do you really want to be the person that is notorious for self-obsession, negativity, and attention-seeking?

There’s a difference between a head ache and a cracked skull. But if you keep whining about the former, you just may end up with the latter.

*I would like to note that I, like everyone else, complain about unimportant things. I am human, and thus imperfect and hypocritical. Exhibit A: the majority of this rant against complaining is a complaint about complainers.

Week Two: Compliments

Published Tuesday, March 27, 2012 by Chasing Neptune

Date: Monday, March 19 to Sunday, March 25

Rules:

  • Must compliment at least 3 people every day
  • People can never be repeated (at least 21 different people over the course of the week)
  • Must be genuine and not “I” focused (“I” like this, “I” like that…)

Reason Why:

I undertook this challenge, because I thought it would help me deal with some of the issues that I am going through right now. I’ve heard many people say that “you get into relationships what you put out.” Therefore, I thought that making a conscious effort to appreciate the people in my life would be a good way to remind myself of their value and feel more connected in my little bubble of the earth. Also, despite popular belief, I’m not totally heartless. I like to make others feel good about themselves and recognize their own beauty, creativity, intelligence, etc. I guess that I thought that by helping other people to see these qualities in themselves, I would feel like I was doing a valuable service to them, and thus, making a difference from this little bubble.

Results:

Overall, I really liked doing this challenge. When I was constantly hunting for compliments, it made me shift my focus from myself onto others. Also, I admit that I got a selfish kind of joy for being the one to make other people smile. During the middle of the week, I felt proud of myself. I felt connected to people. I felt like for once I wasn’t being such a self-focused bitch, not that I’m a completely self-centered/ungrateful fiend, but I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions and completely internalize all my energy…which doesn’t exactly read as pleasant to other people.

I think the lesson I learned this week is that a lot of the problems that I’m going through are with myself. Am I totally happy with where I live? No. Am I totally happy with my course load? No. Am I totally happy with my skin? No. Am I totally happy with the fact that both of my majors probably won’t lead to prosperous careers? Well, kind of… Is all of that 100% my fault? No. Is part of it my fault? Yes.

The point is: I’m not completely happy with my life, and that’s okay. I’ve been through happy spells, and I’ve been through sad spells several times before. What this challenge reminded me is that I need to get the fuck out of my own head and actively try to make myself happy again. I’ve done it once, I’ve done it twice, so surely the third time will be the charm. It’s too late this week to start my “no complaining” challenge, but I think I will undertake it soon. I need to remember how lucky I am to be living my life. I need to remember how much I love myself. I need to remember how much I love the people in my life.

To those of you affected by my tyranny: I apologize. I’m going to try and be better, but know that some days these demons will get the best of me.

To PP: I know I’ve been a whiny bitch. And I know that you would be disappointed in how passive I’ve been. I’m going to be proactive and try to change – no matter what I decide to do with my life, I’m going to make sure that it makes me happy, now and later. I’m going to shed this scaly skin I’ve grown and do my best to be the woman you taught me to be.

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